Ok, this is not a very sexy post, far from it. However I feel that it does relate to sexual/sensual magick. First of all I want to give you a bit of my background. I have spent years studying holistic therapies, including massage. I have done yoga, meditation and in recent years also Tantra (trying to take a Buddhist perspective, but we can safely assume my attitude will be westernized). Over last two years I started to explore my own sexuality, getting involved with multiple partners, in multiple ways, lots of experimenting and lots of fun. My friends often joke that orgies became my hobby.
At the same time I have spent a few years working in care work, supporting disabled people with number of physical and learning disabilities, as well as people suffering from mental health issues. I have managed to break many of my personal fears and taboos. Biggest of all, for me and for many others, was learning to accept these people as sexual beings. Our society made a significant progress over the years. We don’t keep them locked up in asylums any more. They are allowed to live independently, to socialise and even have a job whenever that is possible. Their sex lives are almost non-existent though.
I admit I never had a date with a wheelchair user. I don’t have any among my friends. It’s not just that. My social circle consists mostly of sexually attractive people. A while back I had a chat with a few friends, wondering whether we subconsciously discriminate against unattractive people. Don’t get me wrong- at least a few of my lovers would be considered ugly by the mainstream standards. I don’t care how people look, at least not consciously. It’s not just looks- it’s how they speak, how they move, how they smell- all the sensual stuff that makes some people attractive to me. I’m not going to fool myself though. It’s not just the character that matters to me. Although I do admit that intelligence makes people attractive. Smart ugly guys with a good sense of humour often land on my list of sexy people. Stupid people will never be on my list, unless it’s a one night stand. In summary- wits, sense of humour, good body and outgoing personality. Welcome to my sex club…
So how does it feel to be “un-date-table”? That’s what prostitutes are for, unless you need your carer/guardian to take you there. In such cases you’re most likely screwed (not literally, Lol) because that’s legally impossible to achieve. And like always in life, it’s poor people that suffer the most in these cases. If you have enough money you can call a rent-boy or a rent-girl, but your benefits money will not cover these types of expenses. I hope you can see where I’m heading with this…Some people still suggest that we should sterilize disabled people.
Ok- we discussed being different as having severe disability- like say cerebral palsy or Down syndrome- things that severely limit their ability to function in society. I could argue that obesity lands in that box too, since obese people are often labeled as un-date-able. However there’s a whole grey area, “behind the scenes” of “normality” and that’s mild disabilities and mental health issues. These conditions are possible to hide. Epilepsy and dyslexia would be good examples of mild disabilities. Perhaps “mild” is not the right word- epilepsy, just like allergies might kill you, but in most cases you’re are still “date-able”.
Mental health issues are a massive stigma, even worse when it is addiction. Many people still think that it is a matter of choice and laziness rather than an illness. People who land in this group, including myself often suffer from low self-esteem and they often isolate themselves from other people.
Happiness is strongly linked with our ability to socialise and form satisfying relationships with others. I was lucky. I have a joined a large group of heavy drug users. Most of us suffer from anxiety and depression and some cases more serious issues, but we’re having lots of fun and lots of sex with one another.
I’m not even sure if that last paragraph was meant to be sarcastic or not. I do feel happy, but I am not naive. It’s not a Utopian world.