During my couple of years on Kia I noticed that one thing seems to be missing from this website- a description of other people’s magic practice. I noticed that occasionally people mention some rituals and techniques they performed but almost nobody ever says what it was exactly that they did, how it felt, why they have done it and what were the results. Without that type of information it is really difficult to get a picture of what magic really means to all of you.
I have been wondering what’s the reason behind this unusual silence?
I came up with couple of possible answers, mostly based on my own past feelings around the subject:
1)People are afraid to disclose personal information on the public forum
2)People lack the skills to describe their experiences in writing
3)People are afraid of judgment from others, especially if they think of them as more experienced
4)People treat their magic practice as intimate and don’t want to share it with strangers
I want to concentrate on the option 4. In his recent post about “Fnords” Anton drew my attention to the fact that Purple Magic site dedicated to sexual magic has no contributions left on it. Since sex is an obvious taboo in our society it doesn’t surprise me that people feel a bit shy contributing to that site. I personally feel a bit awkward because of my close but non sexual relationship with Anton and Lolita. (for those of you who don’t know Lolita is my sister so I guess you’ ll understand the nature of the situation :-D)
However I realise that every type of ecstatic experience even if it is not sexual can be perceived as quite intimate. I realise also that some people don’t mind showing their intimacy to the public and there are even those who enjoy it. So when and why do we feel the need to hide it?
My personal belief is that it has a lot to do with our desire to control our image. Any sort of ecstatic experience whether it is sexual arousal, trance or “high” caused by intoxication leads to the loss of control over our well-behaved self. When you simply “let go”, go with a flow and surrender to the experience you will enjoy most ecstatic sex/dance/high/ ritual etc. There is also a chance that you will “lose your head” or behave in the way you wouldn’t like to see on the pictures. In the words of one guy I met once: “doing magic is like having sex- you feel great but you look like twat”. Lol :-D. This is exactly what I mean- “look like a twat “ refers to this guy’s imagined standards of what an appropriate or good look means. I can only hope his girlfriends felt differently…
Anyway coming back to the topic- just like most people don’t want to be seen having sex and they don’t like talking about it with too much detail, I suspect lots of people feel similar about their magical practice. In this case need for control expands also to the things we consider rational or appropriate in magic. Strange trances, visions etc that don’t correspond with our everyday world view make us feel uneasy and embarrassed so we don’t mention them. I noticed that purely intellectual discussions on Kia always attract more contributions that anything requiring sharing our experiences rather than our opinions. I guess that this is because an opinion can be worked on and shaped in a way we find appropriate. On the contrary an experience is something that just happens to us. For as long as we ourselves haven’t found a way of explaining it we don’t want to talk about it. In all that we seem to forget that other people might be able to help us find an explanation or they might have gone through something similar in the past. By sharing these things we can learn from each other.